Coming home after living abroad: why it it harder than you expected (and completely normal)

When preparing to move abroad, we expect to feel destabilized.

A new language, new social codes, new habits… Culture shock is anticipated and sometimes even prepared for.

By contrast, returning home is often perceived as a formality. We are "coming back home." We return to a familiar country, a known language, familiar people.
And yet, many people describe this period as more difficult than the expatriation itself.

As discussed in last week’s article, living abroad leads to deep and lasting adaptations:

new social reference points
new automatic behaviors
new frames of reference
new ways of making decisions and interacting

These adjustments do not disappear upon return.
When the external environment becomes familiar again, internal frameworks have changed. The brain is then faced with a paradoxical situation: a familiar setting, perceived through a different internal lens.

It is this gap that creates a sense of disorientation, often difficult to clearly identify or name.

Coming home after living abroad: why it it harder than you expected (and completely normal)

Reverse culture shock: a documented phenomenon, rarely recognized

In cross-cultural psychology, this experience is referred to as reverse culture shock.

It is often more destabilizing than the initial culture shock for several reasons:

it is rarely anticipated,
it is poorly recognized socially,
and it is often minimized by those around us.

Implicit expectations play a central role here.
We expect everything to "go back to how it was," even though that "before" no longer truly exists (neither externally nor internally).
This lack of clear reference points makes the difficulty harder to recognize and legitimize.

When relational reference points weaken

Returning home also puts relationships to the test.During the time abroad, loved ones have continued their lives.
Dynamics have shifted.
Shared references are no longer exactly the same.

Meanwhile, the person returning has often changed:

the way they communicate,
their relationship to time,
their priorities,
or the way they project themselves into the future.

This gap can create a paradoxical sense of isolation: being surrounded, yet not fully feeling at home, or being surrounded and still feeling alone.

Read more
Article: "How to know if coaching is right for you (and when)"; transition periods are precisely when structured support makes the most difference.

The cognitive load of returning: what we underestimate

From a cognitive perspective, returning home requires significant adjustment.
The brain must simultaneously:

deactivate certain automatisms developed abroad,
reactivate former reference points,
and arbitrate between multiple cultural and identity frameworks.

This process is mentally demanding. It may manifest as:

fatigue,
irritability,
difficulty projecting oneself forward,
or a sense of confusion or loss of meaning.

How coaching can help?

Some people navigate this return phase without major difficulty. For others, the cognitive, emotional, and identity-related load becomes heavier and persists over time.

Psychological research shows that periods of transition are easier to navigate when a structured support framework helps to:

clarify what is really happening,
normalize the experience without minimizing it,
rebuild stable internal reference points,
and restore a more fluid decision-making capacity.

In this context, coaching can offer a space for clarification and perspective, without pathologizing the experience or replacing therapeutic support.

Having lived abroad myself for two years, I specialize in supporting individuals during expatriation and return transitions, helping them navigate this phase with greater clarity and alignment.

The bottom line

Coming home after living abroad is not a formality. It is a real transition, with its own cognitive and emotional weight, often underestimated because it is invisible.
Recognizing it is already a way out of confusion. And sometimes, naming what is happening is the first step toward finding your place again.

Read more

Article: "Moving abroad: what really gets disrupted (and how new landmarks actually form)", understanding the outbound journey to better understand the return.

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